With the recent tragic school shooting in our hometown at Michigan State University, our team psychologists and physicians have come together to share some tips to help families during this challenging time.
Our Best Practices for Families after a School Shooting
- Start the conversation:
- Bring it up with your children whether or not they seem affected.
- “What are the kids at school saying about the shooting?”
- “How does this make you feel?”
- “If you change your mind and want to talk about it later, please know I am here to listen.”
- “Are you having any thoughts, feelings, or questions about what happened?”
- Bring it up with your children whether or not they seem affected.
- Actually Listen and Validate
- Ask your child how they feel and then try to *really* listen to what they say and how they say it. Remember: your experience may not be their experience.
- Validate their experience
- Do not say: ”it wasn’t as bad as we thought at first.”
- Do say: “What I hear you saying is _________.”
- Accept that your child might seem “attached” to the idea of being connected to the tragedy, even if you don’t understand.
- Do not say: “Well, you weren’t even there.”
- Do say: “This is a scary thing that happened.”
- Avoid the word “but” when validating. Try “and” or “because” instead.
- Do not say: “I can understand why you were scared BUT you need to go to school.”
- Do say: I can understand why you were scared AND you need to go to school.” or “I can understand you feeling scared BECAUSE there has been a lot of talk about school shootings recently.”
- Know the signs of distress/trauma
- Not eating/change in eating patterns
- Not sleeping/wanting to sleep all the time
- More clingy
- More irritable/defiant than usual.
- School refusal
- More withdrawn or isolated
- Not responding to texts/phone calls
- Hypervigilance, more easily startled than normal
Seek professional support if these changes seem to last more than 2 weeks.
- Take care of yourself!
- Talk to adult friends/family and process your own feelings
- Exercise (take a walk outside)
- Get enough sleep
- Eat nourishing, healthy foods
- Do what makes you feel happy (listen to music, draw, take a bath, etc.)
- Try a 5-10 minute meditation in the middle of your day
- Help your child feel grounded and safe
- Keep routines as normal as possible.
- Reduce exposure to the news and social media
- Teach/repeat mantras of safety, “I am safe in this space.”
- Bring everyone’s mind to the present moment:
- Take a long, deep breath
- Name 2 things you can see, touch, hear, taste, smell
- Pick a color and look around the room, naming all the things that color that you can see.
We are here to help. You do not need to do this alone. Please call 734-416-9098, ext. 1 to talk to our intake coordinator who can help you get connected to one of our clinicians.
