By: Jaclyn Rink, MSCP, LLP
As a psychologist that specializes in treating children with anxiety and OCD, I often have parents ask me about ways to help support their child through their anxious moments. If you’re a parent of an anxious child, you know that these events occur often and can be incredibly distressing and disruptive. One of my favorite empirically supported strategies that I teach parents comes from SPACE therapy (Supportive Parents of Anxious Childhood Experiences). SPACE therapy is a completely parent-led intervention for children, since many anxious children find themselves so paralyzed by their anxiety, it’s difficult for them to engage in various coping skills, make changes, or process their emotions effectively.
One tool that SPACE therapy teaches is called “Supportive Statements.” This focuses more on what to say to your child in the moment vs. an action, but it is incredibly effective in helping your child build confidence around their ability to handle their emotions. We are going to use a fun metaphor that I refer to as ‘Mac and Cheese’ to help you remember its parts. Here’s how you do it.
Step 1. Validate your child’ s feeling and provide them with acceptance of their experience. We will call this the ‘Mac’ component. This sounds something like:
• “I know you’re feeling very overwhelmed right now.” “
• “Of course you’re going to feel nervous about your test.”
• “I can see this is hard for you.”
• “You’re so worried right now, that must be scary.”
Your child’s emotions want to be heard, and once they realize you understand what they are going through, they are (generally) more amenable to work through their emotions. For younger children, this component helps to bring awareness to their feelings for proper labeling and future understanding.
Step 2: Provide confidence in your child that they can manage their current emotion. We will call this the ‘Cheese’ component. This sounds something like:
• “I know you can handle this anxiety.”
• “I’ve seen you manage this emotion before. You can do it again!”
• “I believe that you can overcome your nervousness.”
• “This moment will pass, and you will be ok.”
For the ‘cheese’ part of the supportive statement, we want to be sure to focus on instilling confidence about handling the anxious emotion at hand. We are not focused on a particular outcome or completing a task. For example, your ‘cheese’ component shouldn’t sound like, “I know you’ll pass the test” or “I believe in you that you can order your food on your own.” All our focus is on managing their anxiety.
Now take your “Mac”, take your “Cheese”, and combine them together for a full meal!
• “I know you are feeling very overwhelmed right now, and I know you can handle this anxiety.”
• “Of course you’re feeling nervous about your test, but I believe you can over come the nervousness.”
• “I can see this is hard for you, but I’ve seen you manage this emotion before and believe you can do it again.”
• “You’re so worried right now and that must be scary. This moment will pass and you will be ok.”
Now remember, Mac and Cheese doesn’t have to be super fancy, it’s perfect as is. Don’t worry about coming up with new and innovative supportive statements, just stick with what feels simple and natural to you, even if it’s repetitive (because honestly, who gets sick of Mac and Cheese). When we make these supportive statements, we are offering children a reflection of someone who is capable of handling their anxiety, further encouraging them to learn how to cope.
At MFS, we have several providers who offer SPACE therapy treatment for parents. If you feel like you or your family could benefit from this type of training, please reach out! Parents who participate in SPACE therapy learn skills and tools to help their child overcome anxiety, OCD or related problems via increasing support and decreasing accommodating behaviors that may be exacerbating their children’s symptoms.
*Adapted from SPACE training, per Dr. Eli Lebowitz at Yale Child Study Center
https://www.spacetreatment.net
