By: Jessica Peatee, Ph.D., LP
As a psychologist, I have had the opportunity to work with a variety of people across a wide range of life experiences and concerns. No matter what’s bringing someone into my office, the topic of romantic relationships typically comes up at some point. For some people, it’s about expressing concerns about a current or past romantic partner. For others, it’s about learning skills to help them be more effective in their romantic relationships or to explore what they might be looking for in a romantic partner. Still, for others, it's about expressing appreciation or excitement about a romantic partner. In my experience, romantic relationships are one of the MOST IMPORTANT and common sources of positive emotions and distress for many people. More specifically, I find that the “health” of a relationship can have a significant and profound impact on functioning.
So, let’s talk about why relationship health is so important.
1. Relationship health can affect your physical health. When you are in a satisfying and healthy romantic relationship, your body can experience reduced stress levels, lower blood pressure, and a stronger immune system. This is partly due to the calming effects of positive emotional interactions and the reduced levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) that accompany healthy bonds. We are also more likely to engage with positive health maintenance behaviors (e.g., feeding our bodies with adequate nutrition, sleeping enough, going to the doctor regularly, and engaging in regular movement, etc.) which can also improve our overall physical health.
2. Relationship health can affect your mental health. A satisfying and healthy romantic relationship can act as “protection” against symptoms of depression, anxiety, PTSD, and substance abuse, especially for those who are prone to these concerns. Having a supportive relationship partner has also been found to improve treatment effectiveness—meaning that people who are actively participating psychological treatment tend to get more benefit from their treatment when they are also in a supportive and healthy romantic relationship. On the other hand, unhealthy relationships (marked by constant or intense conflict, insecurity, or abuse) can take a toll on you by creating chronic stress from relational strain, which can lead to increased anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even suicidal thoughts and actions.
3. Relationship health can affect your sense of stability, satisfaction, & purpose: Healthy relationships can provide a stable foundation, a "safe harbor," where you can recharge emotionally and launch from to pursue your individual goals. When things are tough, knowing that you have a loving, supportive partner by your side can make all the difference in the world. A healthy romantic relationship can also significantly enhance your happiness by offering a deep sense of connection and fulfillment. Sharing your life with someone you care about whether it’s through building traditions or just enjoying everyday moments together can bring immense joy and satisfaction. In addition, a strong relationship can provide an opportunity for shared goals, like building a family or planning for the future together. These shared objectives can give your life purpose and direction, contributing to a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.
4. Relationship health can influence your personal growth: A healthy romantic relationship can serve as a powerful catalyst for personal growth. In a supportive partnership, you’re often encouraged to pursue your goals, try new things, and become the best version of yourself. A partner who challenges you in a constructive way, provides feedback, and supports your ambitions can help you grow in ways you might not achieve on your own.
5. Relationship health can affect your family’s health and well-being. If you and a romantic partner share children together, a healthy and supportive romantic relationship can serve as a model for your kids. Children are like sponges when it comes to learning from their caregivers. Decades of psychological research has demonstrated that when kids observe their caregivers engaging in effective communication, conflict resolution, and acts of care together, they learn how to engage in healthy relationship behaviors. They are also more likely to have a secure attachment with their caregivers and future romantic partners. Conversely, there’s also a robust wealth of research that indicates that when children observe their caregivers engaging in unhealthy relationship behaviors--constant or intense conflict, insecurity, or abuse—they tend to repeat those patterns in their future romantic relationships and can develop insecure attachments. The latter experience can also increase the chances that your kids may struggle with behavioral and emotional problems.
Here’s the good news—if you’ve ever wondered about your romantic relationship health, there’s a great new, evidence-based and brief way to find out how you and your partner are doing! It’s called a “Relationship Checkup.”
What does a Relationship Checkup Involve?
All it takes is two appointments! First, you and your partner will complete a brief questionnaire about your relationship and meet with a professional (in-person or virtually) to discuss your relationship history, patterns, strengths, and areas of concern. After this appointment, your provider will create a personalized relationship report that contains actionable solutions for your relationship concerns. Finally, you will meet with your provider again to review your report and receive feedback on how to continue to strengthen and address your concerns. After these two appointments, you and your partner can use your individualized feedback to continue to work on your relationship health with or without a professional. We recommend periodically repeating this process as our relationship health can change over time.
Like seeking regular tune ups for your vehicle, a regular tune up for your relationship can keep it running smoothly, so that small issues don't become big problems.
But why would I get a relationship checkup if I am happy with my partner?
Would you only go to the dentist when you have a cavity? No! Most people go to the dentist on an annual basis for preventative cleanings and regular maintenance of their dental hygiene. You do not need to wait until you are unhappy or distressed to check in on the health of your relationship! In fact, regular maintenance of your relationship can go a long way in preventing future problems, just like going to the dentist annually can prevent cavities.
If you and your partner are experiencing relationship distress, a relationship checkup can be a good first step towards working with a professional to repair and restore your relationship health. Your relationship checkup professional may recommend that you continue to participate in on-going couples’ treatment, but the decision to continue treatment is ultimately up to you and your partner. A relationship checkup on its own (e.g., without on-going couples therapy) has demonstrated research effectiveness as a standalone intervention for couples—meaning that many couples have benefitted from attending annual checkups without participating in on-going therapy. If you are wondering if a relationship checkup and/or couples therapy could benefit your relationship, please feel free to visit our website for more information or contact us or to schedule an appointment.
